I am writing my personal experience to teenagers in hopes you will read this before you jump into a pool of deep regret. As you are about to see, sex before marriage ruined my life. But interestingly, it all started before I was even born.
My parents met when my mother was 16 and my father was a 21-year-old college student. After only one date, they had sex. And … here I am. Needless to say, they were not in love and the marriage was bound for divorce from the onset.
If my mother had known who my dad was, she surely would have never chosen him as a husband. He was an alcoholic with severe emotional problems which stemmed primarily from growing up without a dad. His mother did her best in raising him, but no mother can ever fill the void a father leaves.
Because of several drunken beatings, my parents’ marriage was over within one year. My mother was now 18, with a six-month-old baby and another on the way. Soon, Mom married another man who seemed to truly love her. He raised my sister and me; then they had another son together. Things were okay for a few years, but for whatever reason, they eventually divorced. The cycle was then repeated over and over again. By the time I was 12-years-old, I had five step-dads and we had lived with many other “boyfriends” in between marriages. Since we moved about every six months, I never went to the same school more than one year.
It was hard enough for a young, single woman with three kids to make ends meet, but my mom made matters worse by medicating her problems with drugs and men. Even though I suffered through this horrible life my parents created for me, I later repeated their same mistakes.
Once I became a te
enager, I started the cycle all over again by having sex. Then, when I was 18, I got my girlfriend pregnant. Although I didn’t love her, I decided to marry her because it seemed the right thing to do. Besides, I was determined my child would grow up with both parents, and I promised myself I would always be there for her.
While I knew my love for my daughter was never-ending, I also knew I didn’t love my wife. I felt trapped, and resented her. This is how every young man I have ever talked to feels when they are involved with a girl they don’t love and she gets pregnant. It’s important to understand sex without love can cause loathing. This can even be true without a pregnancy. After all, what is usually the result of two people just using each other for their own selfish purposes? I’ve never seen it result in anything good. And since I didn’t love my wife, I was a terrible husband and the marriage was bound to fail.
By age 21, our intense dislike for each other was mutual and we divorced. Everything proceeded to go downhill from there. I was granted joint custody which was all I cared about. I wanted to be there for my daughter and provide for her in every way. But my ex-wife had other plans. She was out for revenge and ran off with my daughter to another state.
I couldn’t find them for nearly a year. I went into a deep tailspin and started drinking heavily. The next thing I knew I was in a bar fight and on probation. Once I finally found my daughter, I was in no position to fight for her custody since I was now in trouble with the law. So, instead of being a man and learning from my mistakes, I followed my mother’s footsteps and chose to take care of my problems with alcohol. In one of my drunken stupors, I stole some money from a residence where I was staying. I was then sentenced to 12 years behind bars.
I am now close to getting out of prison, but I must say, this hasn’t been easy. Unfortunately, it’s too late for my daughter’s childhood. She is now 16, and I worry about her, as I write this. I can only hope to salvage our adult relationship and be there for her from now on.
So can you see what sex before marriage can lead to? I just wish I could have been born in a family with two parents who were in love and who gave me a loving childhood and home. I’m sure my daughter wishes she could have had the same, as does every other child.
Think about it: Do you really want to give up your childhood and future for a few minutes of pleasure? Do you want to trade hanging out with friends for changing dirty diapers and taking care of a crying baby at all hours of the night? Do you want to end up paying child support, working overtime and no more college? And let’s not forget herpes, gonorrhea and other sexually transmitted diseases. Wanna trade going out on a Friday night with bringing home your minimum-wage check and shopping at Super Wal-Mart for discount diapers? Wanna give up all of your freedom for having to answer to the needs of a child and perhaps a spouse whom you may not even love?
If the answer is no, then why trade an incredibly intimate experience you’ll enjoy repeatedly in a loving married relationship, for a few minutes in a sweaty act of heat like a couple of animals on the Discovery Channel? Because that’s all you’re really doing – just acting like a dumb animal that doesn’t know any better. But we do know better, and I’m telling you it will be so much better if you just wait until marriage.